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| Man, has Xanga changed! So I haven't thought about Xanga is so long, but last night, when I was busy procrastinating, I remembered how much I loved this site, and decided that I need to rant. So at 5, which is 3 hours from now, I have my last papers due. Wahoo, right? 12 pages, plus an extension. Totally doable. Except that I never take into account my utter and complete failure. It's so frustrating, but I don't know why it takes me so long to do anything. I am so tired of listening to the morning commute traffic report on the radio when I'm trying to fall asleep. I'm tired of going to bed when normal people are waking up. And I'm tired of not playing in the snow, because I have yet to write anything! It would be one thing if I didn't play in the snow because I was sleeping in, trying to catch up on all those hours I've missed this past week. Or another thing if I was actually writing my papers. But it's completely stupid that I not only slept in, got dressed in time for dinner, but proceeded to watch Insider, Entertainment Tonight, and Ghost Whisperer (I know...) with my laptop open. But it was all my mom's doing, I promuise! So then I was up until 5 this morning, and set my alarm to 11, and now that I've been up for 3 hours, I've written about three sentences. Which would be okay if my first two essays were finished like I said they would be before sleeping. Or if I knew what I was writing about for the third one. Nope, I'm kind of screwed, but being away from the internet for over 24 hours has a strange pull on me, filling me with a need to check every single site I've ever heard of...
Sigh.
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| I was happy... i really was... i mean, i graduated and i spent the entire day with some amazing people... it was the first time that i stayed up for a full 24 hours... actually, 24.5 hrs, thank you very much... theres just something so exhilarating about standing on the pier, watching the sunrise, and shouting "WE GRADUATED!"
and then you go home, being alone for the first time in what seems to be days... and while the rest of the world was sleeping, i was awake, totally thrilled about the past day which seemed like 5 days in one... and when i woke up at 3 pm, i was still so happy... and then i realized that i was home alone, and it was a strange feeling... all i wanted to do was to go out and hang out with my friends like i had been doing nonstop... but i didnt, and i spent the rest of the day lounging around, knowing that there was absolutely nothing i needed to do... no summer reading or ap assignment, just nothing...
all i wanted to do was to upload my pictures... and then i realized that my brother switched the internet and mouse to the laptop my uncle just gave us... and i just couldnt get it to work... little did i know that the computer froze, but my mom just told me to use the laptop... but i didnt want to, because this is my computer, and i will use it until i leave...
and while nothing was working, it hit me... everythings changing... and i literally broke down on the floor... and for the first time since actually graduating, i was sad... im done with high school... the next time i go there, i will be a visitor instead of a student... i dont belong at tz anymore, despite the fact that im not ready to go to college... and i realized that i really wont see most of those people again... and sure, ill see the ones i want to see, but it wont be down the hall on the way to class or during lunch or class or anything... we just all graduated, and now we all have to move on...
its not just four years of your life, its the biggest part of my life... after two years, we left every elementary school, and then we spent three at the middle school... and so weve been at the high school the longest... but for me, its more than that... i have spent my entire life in this school district, starting in preschool and ending yesterday... and how many people can say that theyve spent fifteen years at socsd? not many, considering the preschool is only for kids with special needs... ive worked my ass off the entire time, whether it be learning to talk again or the antiderivatives of logs... and ive met some of the most wonderful people, and now i cant even see what im typing because im crying again...
i keep saying to people "what am i going to do without you next year?" and i really mean it... i have made amazing friends, who keep me sane and strong... and i cant imagine not seeing them all the time... theyre always there for me when i need to rant or just say hi, or if i need a hug, or just a smile... i found comfort in codys speech last night, knowing that im going to see him every single day next year... but now i realize that cody cant make up for the dozen or so people that i need most in this world... so i guess i need to go off to vassar, and make new friends, but i do not know how anyone new is going to want to put up with me and my bipolarness... i mean, all my friends are used to it, its not like that have that much of a choice... i just cant imagine finding people up there that i can love as much as i love my friends...
everybody thinks im so excited for college... but im not... im not ready and i dont want to leave this life behind... i hate change, and i always have... and i dont care that people say that college is an amazing four years, maybe even the best four years of your life... i just want to stay here, with the people ive surrounded myself with and hang out until six in the morning, or go on ice cream runs with, or go out to breakfast/lunch/dinner with...
im just sad... i have loved this past year, and i just cant let go... and i know that everything will be better later, but i cant imagine saying goodbye to everyone... am i going to cry at every graduation party? am i going to be okay after leaving? i just cant do this... i dont want to... from ap calc to yearbook, brigadoon to prom, i have loved this year...
TZ Class of 2007-  You'll always be in my heart....
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| It's that time again... MU FEST! so i know no one looks at this anymore, but i just need to post these pictures somewhere because never again in my life ( or so i hope) will i spend  $400 on candy and whipped cream... and if you're going to spend ridiculous amounts of money on boxes and boxes of candy that you can't even eat, you just have to document it...   so i did...
my trunk after destination #1, BJs with the Laurens... lets just say that three teenage girls standing in the candy aisle for a half hour, and then leave with a cart full of only candy and 200 foam plates get some weird looks...
my fridge, after destination #2, shoprite... 3 bottles for $5... so what did we do? yup, bought $20 worth of whipped cream, leaving absolutely no room in my fridge...
my mud room... after destination #3, costco... the boxes pretty much cover from the floor to the ceiling... and they definitely would and then some if we only stacked them one on top of each other...
 
after everything, minus the whipped cream... only took about a dozen bags, but thats a different story...
 and that concludes my MuFest journey part one ...  who knows what crazy stories ill have after wednesday... | | |
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Prince Torres, may you Rest in Peace
